Laws of Loving Communication: How to Resolve Conflict Without Fighting About it

Relationship Tools for Couples and Families

Relationship Advice Blog

How to keep out the weeds

Dana Vince, June 10, 2011

I pulled the following text from a lawn care website. They had a section on lawn care tips and as I read it, it reminded me of marriage.

"Contrary to popular belief, dandelions cannot be effectively prevented. They can only be controlled when they're actively growing. The best defense against weeds is a thick carpet of grass – so thick it doesn't give the weed seeds a chance to sprout. That's one reason Scott's LawnService® focuses on improving your lawn's turf density. And during the growing season we constantly monitor your lawn for new weeds and knock them out if they appear."

So how do I relate this to marriage? There are many weeds out there that threaten marriage. Children, work, career, friends, family, and anything that directs your time and attention away from you spouse or creates stress, challenge and at times upheaval. You can't prevent them, you wouldn't necessarily want to prevent them. Many of these "weeds" are blessings in your life. But how do you control for them so that they don't penetrate the turf of your marriage? Like the lawn care guy says, you have to keep the turf so thick that weeds don't have a chance to sprout.

So how do you keep the turf of your marriage thick?

There are so many different ways:

Take time out for each other to laugh and play together

Make your marriage a priority and don't let other life obligations get in the way of spending time together

Talk through difficulties with one another with kindness, a loving heart and an open mind (be willing to listen to and understand your partner's perspective).

Share your appreciations of your partner on a regular basis

Do the little things each day that let your partner know you love and cherish them

Don't take each other for granted

Have a sense of humor with one another and don't take yourselves too seriously

Always maintain a sense of good-will and compassion for your partner

Again, doing these things won't prevent the normal ups and downs in marriage, but they will work to prevent those ups and downs from tearing through the turf.

Read more on How to keep out the weeds…

He cheated, she forgave him: how they overcame infidelity

Dana Vince, May 17, 2011

When Shannon and Toby first came into my office for marriage counseling, they had already begun the healing process. They were talking more and sharing more than they ever had in their marriage before. They were already using this very painful experience to grow as individuals and as a couple.

Marriage in the minority?

Dana Vince, May 17, 2011

Since the new US Census has been released, there is a lot of buzz that in many states around the country, married couples are, for the first time, in the minority. What does this mean?

Read more on Marriage in the minority?…

On the brink of divorce, how they recovered

Dana Vince, March 23, 2011

Often times couples find themselves so emotionally exhausted from the issues that plague their relationship, they look for a way out and make the decision to file for divorce. Many times the couple is made up of two people who still love each other, but they just don’t know how to get along with each other. They don’t necessarily want out of the marriage, but they want out of the pain and frustration and think divorce must be the answer.

A story of healing from infidelity

Dana Vince, February 16, 2011

In continuing my work to share stories of couples who sit on my couch, it is my goal to provide hope and encouragment out there to those who are struggling in their marriage.

14 Ways to Enjoy Your Solo Valentine’s Day

Dana Vince, February 8, 2011

I recently came across an article that I thought would be helpful to those who will be going solo this Valentine’s day. There are some great tips!
This article was written by Hannah Douglas

A marriage counseling story

Dana Vince, January 13, 2011

This is my second month writing the stories of couples who come through my doors. As I stated in my first article, not every story will be a success story. But I hope each one is one that you can learn from. I hope to bring to light the struggles of many couples so others might realize they are not alone.

A marriage counseling success story

Dana Vince, December 6, 2010

This is the first in a series I am starting. The series is going to involve couples stories. Some of them will be success stories, and some of them not. But each of them will give you a glimpse into what other couples struggle with. I think you'll find that you are not alone in your own struggles. I hope that from reading these stories, you find insight into your own marriage and how to make improvements. These stories come from my experiences in counseling couples. In my 4 years of practice, I have treated over four hundred couples. To protect the confidentiality of those involved, names are not used. I will also leave out certain details or edit parts of the story so that the couple cannot be identified and confidentiality is maintained.

Conflict avoidance and what it has to do with affairs

Dana Vince, December 3, 2010

Fighting isn't fun. Most of us don't like conflict, especially the ugly kind of conflict where we say mean and hurtful things. Conflict is as much as part of your relationship, and should be as much a part of your relationship as kissing, or even breathing. It's normal, it's necessary. But none of us like it because it's uncomfortable. Well it's supposed to be that too. Conflict calls attention to the areas where growth is needed, whether it is within yourself or in your relationship. Conflict is a call to action to pay attention to a specific area that needs addressing.

Marriage Matters!

Dana Vince, December 1, 2010

I recently had some experiences that gave me a renewed sense of passion about what I do, helping couples improve their marriage and keeping families together.

There has been a lot of media lately around a recent study that was published. It reported that 40 percent of respondents said marriage is becoming obsolete. Phooey!